i hate the fact that i am always the person who likes others more, like if someone just leaves me, it really fucking destroys me, and i dont really know what to do. i feel confused about everything for weeks, years even, and i dont really know what i have done to make everyone leave me. i dont understand how other people can just be totally okay. its like no matter what, i am always the one that hurts the most, and that really fucking sucks.
All that you’ve said I could have written about myself. I thought it was just me being emo—until I read your post.
I sometimes hope that I don’t lose my desire to love and be loved, or even liked—to have and to be someone special—to lose that desire would be a kind of a death and I don’t know that I’d be a better person for it.
If I had answers, suggestions or solutions to share, they’d be yours.
I am, beneath everything else, a fan. I was fixed in this mode as a young boy and am awed by people who take the risks of performance.