😃 …and it was so fucking awesome—
😩 Yeah, I get it. It was awesome. You don't need to use curse words.
😝 Suck a big fat cock, sloppy juicy pussy fuckitty fuckitty fuck fuck fuck!
I think if someone leaves this earth loving us, their love remains—we just might have to focus and be still for a moment and think of them to feel it.
Also…Now I know what it feels like to lose someone you love to zombie mayhem. In the dream, I was married and my hubby and me made a great survival team…then I didn’t see him for a while. Later a fellow survivor told me that he’d been gotten and was now living up in a tree “like a raccoon”. I was so sad about that.
Earlier today, I recalled a singular experience I had several years ago when a dear friend of mine, who is not metaphysically inclined, got me alone in a room and spoke to me using a manner of speech that was distinctly not his own. He spoke to me calmly and with great care when he explained to me that in the current lifetime, I would not ever—and he was clear that there would be no exception and that I could do nothing to change this—have a partner. He, in fact, advised me kindly but firmly to accept this now and focus on other things. He did go into detail, when I pressed him, to admit that if I continued to seek out love and lovers that I would cause myself great heartache and be the beneficiary of consistent disappointment because there would be times where love “will seem like it’s going to work out but it won’t” and that I’d be grievously misspending my time here in this body in this lifetime.
He assured me that it would be just for this time and not forever and that I had great love in the past and would again but that it wouldn’t be this time. To continue to seek out my great love would cause me great suffering throughout this life and that I’d end up wasting it as a result of incomprehensible sadness over loss and heartache because it would never work out. It was heavily implied that I would literally waste my life.
I nearly cried earlier today remembering it but just now, I read this:
According to Seth, all of us belong to one of nine basic “pools” or “families” of consciousness. The intents of these families covers the gamut of human experience, from being a healer, teacher, farmer, artist, bearer of children to athletes, warriors, inventors, scientists, philosophers etc. Another way to think of this concept is that we all hold an intent that is uniquely ours, created in us, by us, before we choose to be physically born. According to Elias, these intents are expressed in every day terms by our belonging to and aligning with these nine fundamental “families.”
I feel such relief. All these years, I have felt such dissonance with the experience. My instinct at the time was that my friend (and whomever was speaking through him) spoke the truth. It hurt to hear something like that and think that there was the possibility that it may be true. The mere idea of an entire lifetime without a single great love was then and is now too much to bear. No love. No family of my own…no children. It seems like a life not worth living if I can’t have that great love in my life, which I must have known before or else wouldn’t desire so deeply.
In any case, it’s something that I’ve struggled with and there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t wondered what is for me if a great love isn’t in my cards, so to speak.
However, having read the bit that I quoted above, it became clear in an instant that a bearer of children is, in and of itself, a vocational trajectory. Somehow, it just never occurred to me that I wasn’t being locked out of heaven but that I am on a trajectory that doesn’t cross that plane.
This slight shift in my perspective brought more relief and comfort that this year more than any other, I have so deeply needed—and not a moment too soon.